That uncontrollable urge...

For the most part, I have given up riding.  But every once in a while I get that urge...  It isn't something I can control.  It is a deep down part of who I am.  Last week, I got the urge.  I didn't have my saddle, so I just grabbed my bridle and slipped it on.  I led Boomer to the fence and climbed up to the top rail.  I spent a few minutes petting him and running my hands along his back and neck.  Feeling him, feeling his mood.  He was calm and happy.  I slid my leg over and was surprised at how round and flat his back was.  We walked out along the path as Charley raced ahead.  I tangled my fingers in his mane and left the reins just loose enough for Boomer to look around.  It was a breezy afternoon and I wore a sweatshirt.  The breeze lifted the smell of horse up to my nose and I breathed in deep.  We walked around the pond and I was happy.  So indescribably happy.  I was also nervous and on edge, but it was more of an awareness than fear.  I felt no fear.  I felt happy.  We walked back towards the barn and I slid off, wrapping my arms around his neck.  Thanking him.  Thanking him for being.  For allowing me to be.  

I have noticed a change in Boomer.  He seems happier.  He is calm and comes to me with his ears forward when I enter the pasture.  Just today, he pushed his nose into the halter to help me get it on- he had never done that before.  We went for another walk today.  I thought about riding, but didn't have the urge.  So, we just walked.  It was peaceful and fun.  We took our time and I held horse apples while he snacked.  Charley got muddy in the pond and ran around like a happy dog.  

I am starting to understand enjoying life just for the sake of enjoyment.  Things aren't always what you assumed they would be.  Sometimes they are better.